The Soggy Potato Chip (the negatives of negative attention)

The Soggy Potato Chip (negative attention)

The last blog was about the slot machine. This one is on the soggy potato chip. 

I imagine you’re starting to think I’m nuts right?! Read on. This is one is THE HARDEST but can be THE MOST FRUITFUL if you actually DO IT!

Ok. This theory is that the soggy potato chip is not the delicious crispy chips (pic on left), but the soggy chip is still better than no chip at all, especially when you're hungry. We’ve all experienced this stale chip at the beach or pool, and we eat it. How does this relate to managing our child’s behavior? Well, negative or bad attention is better than no attention. Soggy is better than none. To your attention maintained child, attention from you is the most important thing to him in the entire world!!!! The best attention is the good kind (praise, rewards, your smile at him). Unfortunately, the next best thing is bad attention. Bad attention means getting yelled at or being told not to do something. Oh DARN you say. This happens daily. Well, yes. Just begin to be aware of it. If your child has been playing well quietly while you check facebook or make dinner (and you’re keeping quiet because they’re being SOO good), then out of nowhere, they choose to misbehave. The crayons are on the wall or the juice is wiped all over the sofa. Why? THEY GET YOUR ATTENTION! If they stay quiet and “good,” they’re not getting any! He may be scolded and have to help clean, but it is ATTENTION.

I’m guilty. You’re guilty. What do we do now????

Don’t put your kid in this position in the 1^st place. Instead, catch your child being good!!! Give extra attention when he is playing well, putting the spoon of food in his mouth & not flinging it, putting toys away. He won’t need to have you respond with the negative attention or soggy chip!

Ok some parents tell me that this interrupts their kid playing well and the kid becomes more demanding and stops playing nice. Should this happen, be calm and firm. Tell him you need to do something else, but you’ll be right back to check on him (praise him for being good). Consistency (not the slot machine approach) will lead to improved behaviors overall, less attention seeking for that bad attention, and more attention seeking with positive behavior!

Good luck! (p.s.- you can also try this with your co-workers)

(The chip analogy was inspired by Jodi Mindell (see last blog). Love her!)

Slot Machines (the threat of partial-reinforcement)

Slot Machines

One of the most frequent themes in my treatment of childhood behavioral problems, and the most common items I discussed with families this week were slot machines and soggy potato chips. Yes, you read right. Let me explain….

In an earlier blog, we talked about rewarding on a budget. Reinforcing your child’s good behavior is a tried-and-true method to get your child to do what you. Catching them doing the right thing and then providing praise, spending time, or giving treats will increase the preferred “good” behavior!!! BUT there are very COMMON mistakes, and your child is not always doing the “good” behaviors to start with!

This is where slot machines and soggy chips come to mind… This blog will focus on the slot machine.

Let’s think about slot machines. If you win every time you put a quarter in a slot machine, you keep playing. You win 4 times in a row (consistent reinforcement). On the 5^th, 6^th, 7^th try, nothing happens. You start to realize that the machine is no longer lucky (stopped paying out), so you go to a new machine. Now think of the slot machine on what’s called a partial-reinforcement schedule. Your 1^st try, you get nothing. Your 2^nd try, you win 2 quarters. The 3^rd-5^th, you win nothing. The 7^th time you win 7 quarters. The 8^th time nothing, and the 9^th time 20 quarters. The 10^th time, nothing. Would you keep playing?! WELL YES!!! You expect if you keep playing you’ll win again! Casinos know that they will have you playing longer by using a partial-reinforcement schedule.

You may be starting to see how this ties to parenting. The parent who uses partial-reinforcement, or partial-punishment, is going to have a child with persistent behavioral problems! If you’re one of these, don’t worry, just keep reading. So the child on partial-R or partial-P knows his/her parent may not follow through. Then of course it’s worth continuing to nag or throw a temper tantrum. It could PAY OFF! The parent may give in ;) Yup, kiddos are smarty pants. The parent who is consistent (uses consistent R&P) will have a well behaved child who knows the consequences for his/her behavior (positive or negative).

Here’s the most common example: Target. We all shop there. We bring our children. We wheel the cart through Target with our 3-year-old seated in the cart.

  

We hope that we can make it through Target without a child meltdown. We engage our child with our conversation, our cell phone games, and a favorite toy. We are at checkout and have successfully bypassed the toy and junk food isles. We’re almost out without mishap. As we wait in the checkout line, our child spots the candy bar with his favorite cartoon character on the front. (Yes, it seems like it’s there strictly for parent torture).

Our lovely kid points to the candy bar and asks for it. We sweetly say “no, we’re going home to eat dinner.” The kid keeps pointing and starts whining. We say no again. He cries now, and people start to notice. We say no again. He starts screaming and crying louder, now like we are beating him. People’s faces start to look concerned. Lady behind us pulls her cart into another longer line.

We give our kid the desirable candy bar. Kid smiles, wipes his eyes, and happily starts munching away. He wins again. We are ALL GUILTY of this! This is just one more example of the powers of partial reinforcement. The slot machine got us again! By giving in when the child got really upset, we the parent has inadvertently just taught our child to scream to get what he wants. To get the candy bar or whatever else he wants. AHH!

PARTIAL-REINFORCEMENT

LEADS TO

INCREASED PERSISTENCE

OF BAD BEHAVIOR

This is also a concept that is true for older children, tweens, teens, and even adults. Read my next blog on the soggy potato chip!!

(This idea was inspired by Dr. Jodi Mindell’s book Sleeping Through The Night, Revised Ed., which is one of my favorites. I LOVE her analogies. This is my take on it that I love using with families.)