Well, first of all, let's get our facts straight...what are nightmares exactly?
A nightmare is a disturbing or "bad dream" that wakes you up. It is very normal for children, adolescents, and adults to have nightmares from time to time. When they become more frequent and problematic, we start to get concerned.
Nightmares are in fact learned behaviors. What does that mean? Well, somehow the child responds to stress/anxiety during the day in a certain manner, then has nightmares that night or week, then starts to make the connection that bad things in the day = bad dreams/nightmares. These connections or circuits are strong and we see the kid with chronic nightmares!
Chronic nightmares are extremely common in children and adults who are trauma survivors or who have post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Many children and adults seeking help for nightmares also have other psychological disorders such as anxiety or depression (Krakow, 2011). If you have suspicion of these psychological problems, talk to your pediatrician, get a referral for a good psychologist, invest some time and energy toward treatment, and then continue reading here. If your child does not have other psychological concerns, keep reading now!
What about the typical child, no psychological issues, but chronic nightmares? What can you do?
- Talk to your child about their nightmare. (you're thinking-duh already did this, right?)
- Have your child pick a moderately scary nightmare (not the scariest).
- Talk through the nightmare with them and tell them that you can change it in anyway you wish, or "Make New Dreams!"
- You can introduce their favorite super hero to combat the monster, have your child put on magic shoes that help them escape the fire, or have your child's best friend enter the story and help him.
- Now, have your child tell the story again with all of your fabulous creative changes! Make it fun! Praise him/her for every effort!!!
- For young children, drawing a picture of the dream and the changes may be helpful if it's harder to talk about it. The picture can help him remember (double duty)! Also, having his favorite super hero sleep on the nightstand to help him defeat the monster may be a good plan.
- Rehearse the "New Dreams" you've created once a day for 5-15 minutes (not right around bedtime, maybe in car on way to school or soccer practice). Keep talking about the same one or two "New Dreams" a week, don't go over too many it can be overwhelming.
Often parents develop their own "magic tricks" that help kids combat nightmares. I've heard of a spray bottle of "monster repellent" or a "magic safety wand." What magic tricks have you tried?
Good luck! May only the good dreams survive!
(Techniques described in this blog were inspired by Barry Krakow's chapter on Imagery Rehearsal Therapy for Adolescents, in the 2011 book Behavioral Treatment for Sleep Disorders. He encourages adolescents to rehearse new dream images and write about the new dreams when awake. His chapter does not discuss specific strategies for the younger child discussed above)
